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PHONE CONSULTATIONS & GENERAL LAWLESSNESS
HOT PHONESEX

All Bitches! All the Time...

The Fucking Practice: Senior Partner in Crime

She'll hang you out to dry, and then she'll save your sorry ass...send you up the river, and then finagle a full pardon...push you over the edge, and then -- just before you hit bottom -- snap you to heights you've never known. Before sending you crashing back to the depths, again and again, like a pathetic little paddle-ball. And, as always, Lady Justice turns a blind eye. Enjoy the roller-coaster ride!


A NATURAL BORN DIPLOMAT

[the unofficial definition for which is:
She who can tell you to go to Hell, and make you look forward to the trip.]

Erika has a special gift for making everybody happy, and from her elegant but iron fist flows a graceful and serene authority. She is always in control, and she knows your needs far better than you. She will teach you the art of -- shall we say "compromise?" Or crush you like an insignificant arachnoid. Resistance is futile!

Dickless Tracy: She'll Lock You Up & Throw Away the Key!
COP by DAY, LAW STUDENT by NIGHT

I am sick and fucking tired of locking guys like you up, one minute, and then seeing you out on the street, the next. So until I have the sheepskin to put worthless fucks like you away for good, I'm a one-woman Justice system!

If you haven't done anything wrong, you've got nuthin' to fear, punk. Step over here. I've got a few questions I want to ask you...

And Inordinately Fond of Unnecessary Searches & Seizures

Life isn't fair, and Justice is on the take.
Thus, She picks up the slack.
Balances a scale, here and there.
Cleans the occasional clock.
911 Hotline Goddess AVA: She's Fucking Moonlighting!
Don't be scared, darlin'. We all have your best interests at heart [somewhere deep, deep, deep down inside]. Treat me right, and when everyone else is finished with you I'll wipe you down, dry your tears, kiss it where it hurts, and help you forget the nightmares. I'm your guardian angel, baby. Nobody takes care of you like I do...

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